Advice

True Source Ministries

"Bringing women in touch with the True Source of all provisoin, transformation, and stability."

Scroll down to view selected advice:

1. Financial Advice
2. Dating Advice
3. Assistance Advice

1. Financial Advice

I have been an Independent Financial Planner for 15 years and have had the privilege to work with, encourage, and counsel many individuals and couples. More than any other client group, I have been most inspired by and humbled to work with single parents, usually single moms.

I have found that in many situations there was no hope, mathematically speaking, as often these families were living on half of what other families I counsel lived on. Yet they were current on their bills and generally making ends meet! And most surprisingly, they were faithfully tithing to God.

Unfortunately, small things like minor car repairs can become major crises in their finances. Large items, such as dental care, become insurmountable barriers that plunge them into debt and despair. The financial problems are compounded by feelings of hopelessness because of the many multi-layered situations they face. Many have no choice but to place their children in daycare in order to work. Most experience feelings of guilt for this -- and of a failed marriage -- on top of their other problems.

Over the years I have learned a lot about the financial problems that single parents face and what others can do to help. There are specific responsibilities for the single parent prior to asking others for help, but without outside help, the long-term prospects can get pretty grim.

Statistically there are many more single women that are parenting than men, and their financial needs generally are greater because on average, women in the work force earn 60 percent of what men earn. This is exacerbated when a woman is reentering the work force after a prolonged absence.

This struggle applies to older women also, as nearly 80 percent of all surviving spouses are women. The average age at which women are widowed is 52. The problems these women face are enormous, both financially and emotionally. A common factor among both widows and single moms is the lack of knowledge about finances and the lack of good, unbiased counsel available to them.

Today there are many good sources of godly counsel available through many qualified ministries and organizations. Crown Ministries has extensive resources for wisdom and tools for the single-parent or widowed household. They have also trained a number of Certified Budget Counselors to come alongside these families to not only educate them and give them tools to manage their finances, but also to direct them to individuals, groups, and ministries that can provide tangible help, even on a long term basis. There is GREAT HELP AND GREAT HOPE.

Jeffery W. Masters

Jeff Masters married a single mother of four daughters. They had another daughter together, and now they have five!

2. Dating Advice

   When I was a single mom the Lord had to re-work and re-wire in me all that I had once seen as normal in the dating scene. Since my children were now my God-given responsibility, I had to take all of that into account -- from A o Z -- when I started dating.

   I realized that I had made some terrible mistakes concerning men in my past, and my divorce was just one more evidence of that. Therefore, I could not be trusted (as far as I was concerned) to make good judgment calls. This is where prayer became a vital part of my decision-making processes.

   There are three common themes single women look for that could easily send them down the wrong path: attraction, spirituality, and convenience. Because each one has a natural pull on the heart, they should be prayerfully considered before moving forward. Although attraction, spirituality, and convenience are all necessary for a romantic relationship, they must not be the motivating reason for the relationship.

   ATTRACTION. Just because you might feel attracted to a certain man doesn’t mean that he is necessarily the one for you. He may knock you off your feet when he enters a room. He may say the sweetest things you've ever heard. His looks could be what you’ve always dreamed of. It doesn’t matter; don’t date him just because you're attracted to him.

SPIRITUALITY. Mr. Wonderful may quote Scripture unlike anyone you’ve heard before. Spiritual cliches may roll effortlessly off his tongue. He might be a leader in the church. He might even be the pastor’s brother. It doesn’t matter, don’t date him just because he sounds like a theologian.

CONVENIENCE. Prince Charming might offer to pick your kids up from here or there. He might ask if he can relieve you from the burden of cooking by taking your family out to dinner. Presents may suddenly appear -- anonymously -- that your kids have always wanted. (But we all know it’s from him.) It doesn’t matter, don’t date him because he's meeting your practical needs!

   Why? Because of the kids. As single moms we can’t afford to make a mistake. Our children’s hearts and futures are at stake. In my heart I knew that I couldn’t put them through endless cycles of break-ups, or worse yet -- a lifetime marital mistake.

   But if I can’t be trusted with this kind of choice, who can?

   For me, I knew it was God alone who would know the "who." He would know who would not only meet all of the above criteria but who would be prepared in heart for me and my family ... by His hand.

   Think about it: Many men will meet these qualities of attraction, spirituality, and convenience, but only one will be prepared in heart by the hand of the Lord for you. That’s the one you want to date!

   Waiting on the Lord is the key.

    There was no shortage to the attractive pursuers when I was single. This was already a heightened area of caution for me because I had first-hand experience with the disaster of falling for the gorgeous smile. I think some women go down this path mistakenly because they are concerned that God might call them to be with an unattractive man. And that compels them to fall for the first attractive one that comes along.

    There were also many spiritual men in my single days who thought they were "The One" God was preparing to be with my family ... and they would tell me so! But this was not a sign to move forward. There can only be one man that God has prepared for a women. Therefore, it would only make sense that if multiple men convey such a certainty, they must be mistaken.

    There were also many gifts popping up at church for my daughters from various suitors. Many invitations came as well that felt welcomed, helpful and of great interest. I had one man tell me that he wanted to build a large house on a couple of acres for my girls and me ... and this had always been a dream of mine! But again, this is only a natural course of action by the male persuasion toward the female persuasion. It would be a mistake to take this as a sign to move forward. It is simply a sign of interest and intention. It is the question not the answer. It leaves you no closer to knowing whether or not you should date a particular man.

   If I ask myself if I am attracted, if I feel spiritually led, and if this man would make my circumstances brighter I could potentially answer "yes" quite confidently to all three questions ... but I could be dead wrong.

   In all three of these scenarios the answer lies not in reason or emotions but in God alone. He is the only way to know for sure. This is the position I found myself in. It didn’t even make sense to some Christians, yet I knew I had to wait for God’s confirmation to move forward. If I had no definite answer from the Lord in my heart to move forward, this was my definite answer not to move forward! When the Lord confirms in the heart, there are no questions.

Here is the key: I will not experience this kind of confidence in my heart until the right one comes along. Before then there will be always be a sense of slight uncertainty. If your friends ask you how you feel about a particular man and you can only say that you are almost certain ... then there is still question. Remember there must be no question. None. This is waiting on the Lord.

Paula Masters was a single mom with four daughters who waited on the Lord for her husband, Jeff Masters. They had one more daughter together and have been happily married eight years. If you have any questions that you would like to ask her, please contact us .

3. Assistance Advice

When serious trouble and conflict within the family arises (between mom and children) a good place to turn for direction is Sheridan House www.shfm.org. Sheridan House offers several resources to single-parent families. Please check out their web-site to see how they can assist you. Then contact your local church to help get the process started.