Testimonies

True Source Ministries

"Bringing women in touch with the True Source of all provision, transformation, and stability."

Scroll down to read testimonies of individual women who have experienced and gone through life's struggles:

1. Silently Suffering from Rape

2. Surviving Sexual Battery

3. The Cycle of Physical Abuse

4. Incest

5. Falling in Love with a Married man

6. Struggling with self confidence and eating disorders

1. Laurie's Silent Suffering of Rape

    I moved to Pompano Beach, FL from Long Island, NY with my husband, son, and mother in 1979.

    A few years later, on July 9, 1981 at 9:30 PM, four months after we purchased our first home, my bedroom door opened and a man was standing there with a towel tied around his face. He said, "Close your eyes and turn around."

    I pleaded with him. "You can have anything you want, but please don't kill me," I said.

    He blindfolded me with a towel and said, "I checked on your son and he's sleeping..."

    Afterward, the police instructed me to go to the Rape Crisis Center. I recall sitting on a couch in a dark, dank room with a woman who never looked up as she wrote the information I provided. In fact, she was annoyed with me for taking so long to answer the questions!

    For the next 2 months, George was the husband I always wanted, but it didn’t last. He said I needed to put the rape behind me so we could get on with our lives. I suffered in silence. Our marriage was reduced to cooking, cleaning, drugs and sex.

    That dark cloud of emotional loneliness coupled with the rape was too heavy to handle. Drugs became my way of coping with the pain. I found that anger worked well as a boundary. It kept me safe from rejection ...


   Burying feelings and escaping through drugs or other means is typical of a rape victim. Having confused feelings resurface in destructive ways for years after is also characteristic of dealing with the trauma of rape. What many women do not realize is that they are not alone, many women, unfortunately, are victims of this horrific crime. Recent statistics state that a women is raped every thirty seconds in the United States (that's alot of women). Statistics also state that one child in six is sexually molested before the age of sixteen. We believe that there is only one way to find true healing and that is through the work of Christ in the heart. God has blessed Laurie with tremendous peace and wisdom as she has gone through this process, and it is her heart to help other women experience the same peace that surpasses all understanding. To hear more of Laurie's testimony and biblical direction specific to the healing process of rape, click here: http://www.eparministries.org/

2. Surviving Sexual Battery

   I was just a girl ... I had never seen a man or had any notion of a man in any sexual sense. All I knew was that I was going stay pure until I was married as all young Christian girls purposed to do.

    But one day, in broad daylight in a public park, I was grabbed from behind by a very large man. The first thing that went through my mind was that what was happening did not seem real. Even though I was small, I was a very strong and athletic girl so I fought wildly. I kicked and screamed as he proceeded to carry me off. I wondered why nobody was coming to help. I had just passed the tennis courts moments earlier with people on them. However, no rescue came and no help emerged on the scene. It was if my captor had waited for the perfect opportunity for an unchallenged attack.

    Because I was little in size, I was literally lifted off the ground and was battling for my freedom in mid-air. When my feet got close enough to a metal railing that was a few feet high, I catapulted off it using it as leverage to twist out of his grasp. Breaking away, I ran. But that did not last. A full tackle landed me face-down, flat on the ground with all his weight on top of me and his hands clasped around my throat in a strangulation grip. I could not breath, and as moments passed by, I still could not get air. He held his grip on my neck until I was completely stilled; he told me he would kill me if I tried to move. I could see my arm, which was bent awkwardly under my face, dripping with blood from a gash caused by the assault. My choice was clear as I lay there without breath. Every struggle or attempt to free myself brought me seconds closer to my death. I became incapacitated and motionless. In sheer dread and terror, the man dragged me off to an isolated building. As I was taken inside the building, I heard the door lock. I honestly did not know if I would come out alive. I realized that there was no help for me once inside and that my future was in the hands of a violent criminal. (Or was it in God's hands all along?)

   Now, many years have passed but I can still look back and know for certain that God was with me and His grace was upon me. Your first reaction might be that I must be kidding you. I understand that response -- yet let me explain why I say that God was with me. I thought at the time, even while in the hands of a violent criminal who obviously had no sense of right or wrong, that his actions were stemming from horrors and brokenness in his own life, and it affected me profoundly.

   No, it didn’t stop the constant fear that plagued my comings and goings from that time on. It didn’t stop the nightmares or the flashbacks that terrorized my mind over the years. But my suffering was a constant reminder of the painful effects of someone else’s broken life, and it has caused me to pray for him. Only God knows what has come of his life, but as far as I'm concerned it was no accident that I was to be an instrument of prayer on his behalf. God promises that He will take what was meant for evil and turn it for good.

   Please do not think that my testimony is some super-brave effort. On the contrary, I am not brave enough to even sign my name. My hope from sharing my testimony is that someone who has gone through the horrors of sexual assault will see the hand of God in their circumstances. The Scriptures tells us not to worry about what man can do to the body because he cannot touch the soul. God holds your soul, and it is chaste and beautiful in His eyes.

   If you have gone through this type of trauma, you know better than anyone the reality of harm that is out in the world today. Allow that to help you guide and assist other women. Allow it to help you make wise and protective choices concerning your children. Most of all pray! Pray for the brokenness in the world, remembering that Christ Himself suffered brutally at the hands of lost men. Yes, we share in the suffering and so also should share in the forgiveness. Let Christ free you ... let Him take what was meant for evil in your life and turn it to good. Ask Him to show you specifically what He has for you, and what good can come from your own tragic experience. -Anonymous

There are many feelings and emotions that need to be worked through when a person experiences this kind of violation. Please check the areas of struggle profile to learn more about working through some of the emotions that apply to you. Also check the resource section for valuable resources specific to rape.

3. Breaking the Cycle of Physical Abuse

   I was a young and confused adult -- technically still a teen. I got married because I thought married life might make me happy and whole. I never saw the signs of obsession building in the heart of my husband before the marriage. I simply was too wrapped up in my own misguided hopes.

   It was not unusual for us to have a couple of drinks in the evening. One night when we were with a group of mixed company I noticed a strange look on my husband's face. When we got home, the questions began. It was more like a drilling. Where did you go? Who did you talk with? Who were you looking at, etc? This quickly became a routine.

   It continued to progress, and as it did, I became completely shocked at the marriage I had allowed myself to rush into. My answers were never believed even though with pleas and tears I had tried to soothe what was becoming jealousy out of control.

   Then one night my husband lost control and started shaking me violently. The next day he was apologetic, but that also became a typical scenario. I was to learn later that the cycle of violence and remorse is ongoing. Alcohol also increases its frequency as well as its severity.

   As time went by, the violence increased and the accusations became more and more bizarre. He would even check my underwear for evidence of infidelity. I found myself regularly slammed up against the wall during shouting inquisitions. If I resisted or tried to pull away, which I often did because I am spirited, I would get punched, usually in the stomach area. It would cause me to be sick with nausea for days.

   One time the abuse became so severe that he agreed to take me to the emergency room because of extreme pain and vomiting. The doctor in the emergency room looked me over closely, and seeing the bruises, caught on immediately. My husband however, was there in the room and would not leave my side. By this time he had moved into his remorse phase. The doctor insisted that my husband wait in the waiting room while he continued his exam. He finally left but with much resistance.

   After taking urine and blood samples, the doctor told me it was obvious that I was a victim of abuse and urged me to get help before it became too late. He spent at least an hour with me, counseling and encouraging me to take action. While he was talking, the nurse walked in with my test results. After looking at the results, in a sad and hesitant voice, the doctor told me I was pregnant. He looked me straight in the eye and said, "If you don’t get help, someone could lose their life." But at the joy of hearing that I was pregnant, I did not let the warning penetrate my reasoning ability as it should have.

   I left the hospital and told my husband I was pregnant. He promised to get counseling so that I would stay with him and have the baby. But not following through with promises is typical of an abusive husband, so the abuse continued -- even though I was pregnant.

   Half-way through my pregnancy, my husband, in a drunken fit, threatened to kill the baby because he didn’t believe it belonged to him. It was at this time I resigned myself to leave him, knowing my unborn baby was at risk. In sheer panic and fear, I packed up my belongings and tried to flee -- only to have my husband come at me full force, pummeling my pregnant belly with all his weight.

   I started to bleed and vomit. My husband drove me to the emergency room, once more in severe pain. The doctor told me that I was hemorrhaging internally and had to be immediately admitted because it was a matter of life and death. At this point the doctor did not know what effect this would have on the baby. I began bleeding profusely, and a few hours later I began premature labor. The fetus was born -- dead -- just like the emergency room doctor had predicted.

   I knew then I only had one choice and that was to leave. But I couldn't just leave, I had to go into hiding. The risk to my life was great, and this became vividly clear to me. I packed my belongings and headed to Florida. I stayed with a friend and slept in her living room. I gave no indication of where I was to my husband or his family. He searched high and low for me, crying and begging my family members to tell him where I was. But I knew my fate if I went back or gave in to the endless cycle of remorse and violence. I filed for divorce on my own and never saw him again.

   I share my trial with you because I know the terror of life-threatening abuse. I only wish that I had known the Lord as I do now. I did not realize the strength that could be found in Christ and in the prayers of other Christians.

   A women who suffers from abuse is in an emotionally and physically weakened position. Discernment is often clouded and there appears to be no way out. If you are in an abusive situation, we want to be a resource. Guidance and prayer support at this time is crucial. Confidentiality is a priority. Don’t wait until it’s too late. Please contact us! Also, check the areas of struggle profile to see about working through some of the emotions that apply to you. Check the resource section for valuable resources specific to abuse.

4. Alice's Triumph Over Childhood Incest

   "I can't breathe. A man's heavy body is crushing me! I can't see or cry out or move. He rubs me and hurts me. I want to scream and claw him away, but I'm little and powerless. If I lie completely still and stay silent this nightmare will go away. Wait. Am I seven years old or thirty? Is this real?"

   Yes real. Four years of childhood sexual abuse caused many more years of emotional and psychological damage, as I hid my anger, tried to block out those painful memories and also watched men beat my mother. I felt paralyzed by fear any time conflict arose in my life. Something inside whispered to my soul, "You aren't pretty. The only thing you have to give a man is your body. Whatever he wants, do it and shut up!"

   I did just that. My childhood quickly ended in motherhood when I was married at age sixteen to a man who demanded complete submission. He even insisted I have an abortion. Alcohol gave me some comfort then and three active kids distracted me for a while. However, I had chains wrapped around my heart. Even when I gave my life to the Lord Jesus, became active in a dynamic church, and received many spiritual gifts and healings, the chains remained.

   At age thirty-six, the awful memories flooded back, overwhelming me in waves of fear, pain, anger, and doubt. Where were You, God? How could You let me be so hurt and violated? What divine purpose did You have for such terrible things to happen to me? No gentle voice spoke or answered my tears and questions. But Jesus ministered comfort to me through friends who cried with me and loved me during my emotional crisis. He interceded with the prayer warrior who entered the throne room of Heaven for me. And Jesus spoke through a book by Jan Frank titled "Door of Hope." My Christian friends gave me a safe place to talk about my wounds and helped me learn to grieve the loss of my childhood innocence. I had to forgive, forgive, forgive.

   Little by little, day by day, I gave the Lord my nightmares that were real. I almost didn't recognize the quiet peace sneaking into my heart. Months became years as my inner peace grew to overcome the darkest of memories and the deepest pain in my soul. One day I realized the cold chains that had bound my spirit for so long had disappeared. An assurance of Jesus' love for me, His beautiful bride filled my heart.

   Alice's story is not uncommon, in fact, incest is very prevalent today. Secrecy because of shame, confused feelings, and trying to protect are only some of the symptoms that keep this extreme violation shrouded and flourishing. Adult survivors struggle tremendously from memories that torment them regularly. Although incest holds some similarities to rape (by a stranger), it is damaging in more complicated ways because the victim knows their perpetrators in a family sense and have emotional ties. Thank you, Alice, for sharing your story, we pray that it will help someone in need! Please check our resources and areas of struggle that have to do with incest.

5. Falling in Love with a Married Man
    I found myself falling in love with a married man. I did not realize the devastation that was mounting as my heart grew fonder and fonder of him. It started off as an innocent infatuation. I had known him for some time because he and his family went to my church and they were my neighbors. He had a beautiful wife and two small children. He was fifteen years older than me so I didn’t really have close ties with his group at church. I was young and single, and he was in the married circle. It wasn’t until I applied for a job at the organization where he was the head boss that my heart was first stirred.

      After filling out my application, I was waiting in the lobby for my initial interview with a different man who was to be my immediate boss. I was sitting on the couch nervously waiting when a hand reached from behind me and rested on my cheek. “What are you doing here, pretty face?” a comforting and confident voice inquired. I looked behind me to see that it was my fellow church member. “I am here for an interview,” I told him. “Well, when you go into his office, tell him you are my friend," he said.

      I didn’t think much about the encounter except that my neighbor was looking out for me. Looking back, this is one of the first weaknesses I discovered that is typical in falling for a married man. If a woman has not had the support in her life from a strong male figure, often it is found vicariously in others who have leadership and authority characteristics.

   A few minutes later I was called in for my interview. As my friend (I will call him Ben) had told me to do, I explained my connection to my neighbor. I was hired on the spot. It was an empowering feeling -- another typical emotion that compels women into the arms of men who don’t belong to them.

      I loved my job. It was thrilling. I had instant favor and found Ben in my department on a continuous basis. My young, naive mind continued to think he was simply looking out for me. He would give me personal tours of the facility and talk with me about moving up in the company. I saw eyebrows raised as I walked down the halls. This also was intriguing to me. Somehow people’s opinions become self-fulfilling. No one seemed interested in sincerely helping or inquiring, but rather simply jumping to conclusions. This made me mad. I had a streak of rebelliousness in me, and the more mouths that dropped, the more I dug in my heels.

      Part of the thrill and intoxication of being with Ben was being the special lady in his life that he desired to spend time with. Ben was charming, powerful, and debonair. I tried to suppress my feelings for him but found myself completely enthralled. We continued to spend more time together. Our secret rendezvous became more and more exciting.

      After a few months I had moved from close female co-worker to non-verbalized girlfriend. It happened so swiftly, almost like it was inevitable. This is another typical scenario that sets the stage for a sure fall. When both sides are feeling safe because one is married or one is an employee, it creates danger. Rationale dictates that we are co-workers who are okay spending that much time together. Statistics show that working people spend larger quantities of time with their secretaries and assistants than with their wives and families. So these kinds of relationships have all the ingredients for emotional attachment.

      This can even happen outside the work environment, often with mutual-couple friendships. The safety factor allows for freedom of intimacy and relational development. This can fuel and propel an initially innocent relationship. It is the “You are not available and I am not available" mentality, so it is safe to spend enormous amount of time together -- and it can be an extreme combustible combination.

      One time when his wife took the children on vacation, I went over to his house for dinner. As I looked around the house, I noticed potty chairs, toys for the children, and intimate apparel that belonged to the wife (my new friend). Much to my dismay, my world began to unravel. I wanted to be here in this house with the man I loved, but I couldn’t handle it because it all belonged to her. Then I started to notice that on important occasions he was with her -- not me. Christmas, Valentines, you name it, weren't my holidays. They were hers. I was a secret; she was not. They shared a life and future. I shared moments that quickly faded and had no substance. I soon became a tortured soul.

      Agony became the theme of my heart. I was in love with a man I could never have! His real commitment was to his wife. Not only this, but it dawned on me that he was in reality living a double life -- and easily at that.

      Maybe you are at this place and can completely relate to these emotions. It was never that you were the devious other woman -- but a victim of falling in love with a man who happened to be married. Now you feel you have nowhere to turn. You are the other woman. Hated by all and dreaded by wives everywhere.

      God was very good to me at this time, though I did not deserve it. What I had not realized was that above betraying Ben’s wife and myself, I was betraying the one who loved me with the purest kind of love – God. His ways were being violated. The pastor of my church came to me lovingly and told me, “I don’t know if these rumors of you and Ben are true, but if they are, the Bible tells me I have to ask you to step away from the church until you are done with this sin."

      At that moment, I recognized the holiness of God and my separation from Him because of my choices. What were my choices? Death -- death to my future, death to Ben’s wife’s future, and death for Ben’s future. It was a no-win situation that resulted in continual heartache and separated me from God and Christian support.

      Now is the time to turn back to God! Do not delay to contact us at True Source Ministries so that they can be a support system to you. Choose life over death. Choose God over a destructive relationship that is headed nowhere. He will help you!

6. Struggling with self confidence and eating disorders

   For most of my life I was searching for lots of things. I was searching for who I was and what I was to do. I was searching for love, friendship, and validation that I was OK the way I looked.

    I had always been a Christian, raised in the faith, went to church, and lived a religious existence. But I was just playing the role. Christianity was just a hobby for me. It was more like the cross around my neck -- I didn't know how much blood was shed for that identity.

    Growing up, I had zero self-confidence, no self esteem, and believed that I was dumb, stupid, and ugly. So at 16 I decided that if only I was thinner, boys might like me. I would be popular, and things would be better.

    Boy was I wrong! I tried every negative behavior I could find and fell further and further. I accepted others comments as true and began repeating them internally. I tried to fill my loneliness and insecurity with unhealthy coping mechanisms.

    In May 2007, while surfing the Internet, I read a testimony that changed my life! This girl wrote in about eating disorders, not about recovery or being recovered, but about being FREE! And she did this with God's help. Whoa! I mean I had never heard such a thing before!

    I was scared, but I was filled with hope and wanted God to change me. But how? For the next three months I read that testimony over and over, daily, memorizing the words.

    I wasn't sure where to start, so I stayed broken. It was all I had ever known. I made up my mind to to just get by for a few more years. I knew how to starve myself and take pills. I knew how to pretend like a master, I knew how to feed others my lies. But to "let go" and let someone else take control -- I didn't know how to do that...

    In August I decided to seek out this girl whose testimony was breaking through the walls of my heart and see if there was anything more she could tell me about God. And here is where my "new life" took over! After emailing back and forth with her, I rededicated my life to my Heavenly King and began my dance of freedom. God slowly started cleaning the cracks in my heart and filling them with His love. Jesus touched me and healed me in so many ways. I could feel His love surrounding me and filling me up and filling my heart where that hole and that ache was.

    It amazes me to see just how far God has brought me. I was at the end of my rope, BUT by the grace of God -- and only His grace -- I was transformed. He has bigger and better plans than my destruction or death. My burdens aren't burdens any longer. God is now my coping mechanism. I have an amazing testimony to what God can and will do. When the Bible says, "You are a new creation in Christ," it's no joke. I can't believe how new and restored I feel each and every day. I LOVE being an overcomer!