Helping hurting women

Understanding Neediness

Neediness is defined in the dictionary as wanting or needing affection, attention or reassurance to an excessive degree. A woman can identify whether she struggles with neediness by evaluating if the quality of her existence depends on these feelings being constantly affirmed. In other words, she will have a tendency to feel very unsettled if any one of the three feelings (affection, attention, or reassurance) is not validated. However, when these feelings are supported she will feel secure--but only for the moment. As time elapses, she will once again feel a overwhelming desire to have these needs met.

A woman who struggles with neediness will notice that the people around her begin to pull away as they attempt to meet these expectations, but soon find the need to become too all-consuming. The pattern of relationships that crumble due to this struggle is recognizable. However, the needy woman most often internalizes it as rejection, which compounds her need for further affirmation. Many times this can provoke the other party to become hostile. It is not unusual for abusive relationships to form or become a theme in the life of a needy woman. Neediness never rests, and it often leaves a woman with feelings of emptiness and desperation.

There are many reasons that this "black hole" may set up shop in the heart of a woman. It could be anything from disposition, compulsion, inclination to emotional deprivation. If a woman has been deprived of nurturing or given indulgent nurturing, the result may be the same: an excessive sense of need. There are also many emotional components that can play a part in this struggle including insecurity, depression, and anxiety.

If you are a woman who struggles with neediness and wish to be freed from its grip, there is hope! Coming face to face with its hold is a wonderful start. You are not called to let go--only to fall into that much-feared pit of emptiness that has propelled your struggle in the first place. You are called to rest in the ever-loving arms of Jesus, who wants to mold and shape your security in Him. The human heart naturally longs and desires for validation. Scripture gives us guidelines, boundaries, and measures for this to occur in a spiritually healthy way. To discover who you are in Christ as a women, a person, and as an individual is an exciting and rewarding adventure.